Racecars, Lasers, Airplanes
by SharanMcQuack
Summary: MegaByte Beagle creates a toy car to use in thefts but Quackerjack tries to steal it!


"**Racecars, Lasers, Airplanes..." "NICE" version**

By Sharan McQuack, Launchpad's wife

I have written a "nasty" version of the same story in which I give DW whatfor. If anybody WANTS to read it, they can e-mail me. DW fans be warned: I do not recommend you read it, I think you know what I think of DW and it ain't much. I hope this nice version meets with your approval.  


* * *

MegaByte Beagle was working on a toy-like device he planned to use in robberies. It was a remote controlled racecar. It handled much better than most remote control cars, as well as a normal racecar and it was as fast as a normal racecar.

Not "as fast as in proportion to it's size", as fast, period. (1) This is due to the fact that no engine was ATTACHED to it, a full-size engine "beamed" power to it, since no itsy-bitsy engine can be as powerful as a full-sized one.

It had laser-beam headlights and taillights that could burn their way thru just about anything. It had a multi-use grabber to steal stuff with. It was VERY cool. Also very dangerous. (2)

Megabyte decided it would be so useful a tool in robbery, in would be an honorary Beagle. He therefore gave it a name: Blazetron Beagle.

MegaByte tried to use Blazetron to rob a Toy Fair of computer data. Data on the credit card numbers of people who had bought tickets for the Toy Fair. Since it was basically a toy, it could zip around the Toy Fair and anybody who saw it would think it was just another toy, being displayed in action.

Blazetron went into the Toy Fair and almost nobody noticed it. It sped around to the offices, where MegaByte thought he's have to burn the car's way in with its lasers. But it was unseasonably warm for autumn and since the air conditioner was shut off (because it was autumn), the door was ajar.

Earlier, Launchpad had gotten a phone call from Griz at SHUSH.

"Launchpad, I thought I should warn you that Quackerjack is loose in Duckberg. He was spotted hanging around that Toy Fair they are having there. Since you've dealt with Quackerjack before and since you are a FORMER agent of SHUSH, I thought I'd ask you to keep your eyes open, at least. (3)" Griz asked.

"Er- one problem. Flinty's running that Toy Fair. Even if you or I were to warn him, he'd never believe it wasn't some sort of trick. But....I COULD invite the boys and Webby to go to look at the toys with me." Launchpad suggested.

"Do you think it's a good idea to bring kids when Quackerjack may be around? Especially Mr. McDuck's nephews?" Griz asked.

Griz was understandably worried about a possible kidnapping.

"Quackerjack won't know who they are. The place will be crawling with kids. And I'll attract a lot less attention with a bunch a kids then I would hanging around a toy fair, alone." Launchpad pointed out.

"True. And Quackerjack may not even steal anything- toys are about the only thing Flintheart makes that AREN'T badly defective. Nice to know even HE has SOME scruples." Griz said.

And Quackerjack was at the Toy Fair, looking for dangerous toys to steal. He was very disappointed, what with Flinty's reputation for making dangerous merchandise, that Glomgold's toys were cheap and flimsy, but harmless. (4)

Then Quackerjack saw the Evil Racecar, Blazetron. Being something of an expert on toys, he realized that it's headlights and taillights were NOT harmless tiny light bulbs, but REAL highly powerful lasers. Quackerjack could tell it's chassis hid a multi-purpose grabber and saw it was much more maneuverable than an ordinary remote controlled car. Quackerjack HAD to have that toy, he simply had to.

The Evil racecar entered the offices. It went past the main room, where "people" were taking orders for the next day tickets. In went into a side room, where computers alone were busily at work, taking orders via the Internet and the automated phone system.

Blazetron waited until one of the computer was idle, waiting for somebody to log on or call in. Then Megabyte's racecar slid out its grabber and interfaced with the computer and started hacking into the system so it could download the credit card numbers for MegaByte.

While it was busy hacking into the system, Quackerjack picked that moment to try and steal the Evil Racecar. Quackerjack grabbed it so its lasers were pointing away from him, holding it by the hood , holding the side of the car in front of him. Quackerjack removed the receivers that drew in power from the full-size engine. He thought that doing so would make it powerless. But Blazetron had batteries, with enough power in them to defend itself, in such an emergency.

The Bad Toy became so hot, Quackerjack dropped it. It raced towards where he had tossed his receptors, it's grabber picked them up and to Quackerjack's astonishment, tried to PUT THEM BACK IN!!!

"A TOY that can REPAIR ITSELF? I'm in LOVE!" Quackerjack screamed.

And he chased after it.

Blazetron fled, still trying to put its receptors back in before it ran out of battery power. It fled to the crowded part of the Toy Fair, with Quackerjack in hot pursuit. People who saw Quackerjack thought he was a clown the Toy Fair hired to entertain them. But some little kids were afraid of clowns (5)

A lot of little kids screamed and cried when they saw Quackerjack. The triplets laughed.

"Hey! That's Quackerjack! Quackerjack's a nasty, perverse clown who loves hurting people! Very dangerous! Launchpad fought him when he was body-guarding for DW! (6)I read about in the St. Canard Herald! " Dufus told the triplets quietly.

Even Dufus had the sense to not want to cause a panic by telling everybody just how dangerous Quackerjack was.

The boys and Webby saw that Quackerjack was in hot pursuit of a toy racecar. they had no idea WHY, but they figured it would be a good idea to prevent him from stealing it. So they sent dozens of other similar-looking remote controlled cars to zip past Quackerjack and confuse him. By the time Quackerjack caught the real evil racecar, it had put one receiver back in and zapped Quackers with its laser headlights.

Quackee lit up like he was Megavolt. But Blazetron only had one receiver in, and its lasers were not at full power and no permanent damage was done.(7)

Launchpad sent a remote controlled plane flying around Quackerjack, trying to annoy Quackers into leaving, hoping to tackle him some place with fewer people, especially fewer kids. But a single toy plane was not even a distraction to Quackerjack, he failed to notice it. so Launchpad stopped bothering.

Meanwhile, MegaByte Beagle was MAD. Blazetron had reported its distress to its "Daddy". An idiot clown was trying to steal his invention? How dare he? He took Bicep and Brawny Beagle (I made the latter up) as muscle and went to teach Quackerjack a lesson and get his brainchild back.

At the Toy Fair, the ordinary security guards were doing their job: getting innocent bystanders out of the way of the lunatic unleashed in their store. Soon, the fair was empty of everybody except Quackerjack (who was wasn't invited), the security guards, Launchpad, the boys and Webby.

The boys then brought bad news:  
"The Beagles are coming! The beagles are coming! Some members of the Beagle clan are headed this way!" the Kids warned.

"Boys, take Webby and leave. No arguing. You've helped all you can." Launchpad said.

The boys were tempted to argue anyway, but Launchpad seldom pulls the "you're too young to help" bit on them, so it means more when he does. Besides, they had seen the evil toy car, Blazetron, almost fry Quackerjack and they were suddenly less willing to mess with it. They scrammed and took Webby with them.

Launchpad went to talk to the security guards Soon, MegaByte, Bicep and Brawny Beagle burst in.  
"Where's my racecar?" Megabyte demanded.

"Oops! did YOU create this beautiful, magnificent toy, great sir? All honor and glory to you!" said Quackerjack,.

Quacky was sucking up to Megabyte in order to get closer to the remote control device Megabyte was holding. (8)

"Brothers! Teach this theft who stole my robbery tool a lesson! I spent too much time heisting electronic parts to build it with to have him steal it!" Megabyte said.

"Now, now- let's not be hasty. You have fought Gizmoduck, have you not? So have I, when he was a member of the Justice Ducks. The enemy of my enemy is my friend, right? I am an expert on toys. I can show you how to improve that beautiful, magnificent toy of yours! I can create more and better ones!" said Quackerjack, getting closer and closer to Megabyte- and the remote control in Megabyte's hands.

Then, Quackerjack tried to steal the remote control and soon he and Megabyte Beagle were fighting over it.

"No! Don't help! You'll break the remote! Blazetron will go wild if the remote control is destroyed!" said Megabyte Beagle to his brothers.

Upon hearing that, Quackerjack TRIED to break the remote. He LIKES havoc. A LOT.

Bicep and Brawny Beagle watched the fight, and being unable to help, started betting on who would win. Then Launchpad and the security guards sent remote controlled planes to buzz the Bad Guys. They tried to swat or smash the toy planes, but they were too small and too fast, so they ignored them and consiontrated on the fight.

The planes broke off the attack for a few minutes, then started buzzing again, but the Bad Guys paid no attention. Until they finally noticed the toy planes had string dangling in their wake. The Bad Guys were soon hopelessly tangled- tied up in nearly invisible, little thicker than thread string. The kind that you have to cut thru because it will NOT snap. And the Bad Guys were too tangled to reach or use a knife.

"Good thing we have lots of this annoying packing string around. The crooks are tied up and we'll soon have the cuffs on them." the security guards said.

And then they untangled the crooks just enough to cuff them before detangling them totally.

"Figures the one thing Flinty makes that's nearly unbreakable is something you want to break. Usually." Launchpad said.

Soon thereafter, Griz was enjoying himself. He was telling Darkwing duck just what his former "sidekick" had been up to.

"HE WHAT?" DW demanded.

"Captured Quackerjack, Megabyte Beagle and two other Beagles." said Griz, highly pleased at how flabbergasted pompous twit was.

"How did HE do THAT?" hollered pompous twit- err- Darkwing Duck.

"Appearly, he asked for help instead of insisting on doing it "all by himself". answered Griz.

**The End.**

* * *

(1) This probably isn't possible. Details, Details.

(2)How much should it resemble Lightning McQueen, if at all? Enough for a joke, but not enough to get in trouble? The old reversed color trick? Yellow and red instead of red and yellow?)

(3) I was glad to hear that, SHUSH pays well. I suspect Launchpad is still on their files as an ACTIVE agent, only THEY ain't telling him that because it bugs him. I suspect Melissa on Flapping Terror http://doubleoduck. tripod. com/ fansection/ fanbios/ is right for suspecting DW did not pay Launchpad as a "sidekick"- but SHUSH did.

(4)Think: those dumb balsa wood rubber band powered airplanes.

(5)This time with good reason! Suggestion to Moms whose kids have that problem: would it be possible to have the kid watch while a normal person puts on make-up and silly clothes and becomes a clown? Maybe kid won't be scared if he SEES it's just a normal person in make-up and silly clothes?

(6) Of course Launchpad told Dufus THE TRUTH: that he was DW's bodyguard and not his sidekick.

(7)Would you think I was a terrible person if I said: "too bad"?

(8) This is why it is NOT a good idea to trust people who tell you what you want to hear too much or too often, Disney!


End file.
